alright
so, 2009 looked more like a over the top love movie filled with lies and hate coming right off the silver screen, alot of hurt and depression went with that year. i know that, alot of the haunting thoughts that constantly torture me every single day from my past aren't going to go away anytime soon, and 2010 is just another test to see if i can fight them. i keep myself up with the whole "everything happens for a reason" excuse. I'm hoping one day this on going pain might pay off. I'm probably not making much sense right now, but i also don't really care, because i know there's at least one person in this world that is going to read this. and i know that person cares. and even though they don't realise it. i love them, more than they will ever know. 2009 was really just another test for me. to see how much i could be broken. To see just how much pressure i could take, and i admit, i crushed, my mind went blank, and i did something i look back upon now i wish i hadn't. Its just made me realise just how vulnerable i am. Me and my mom are in a awkward trance after what happened on Christmas. i really do regret it, i just don't know how i could ever explain it to her. i really wish i could tell her what happened to make me this way . This silence tortures me. be aware i go back and forth on these subjects alot. don't really know why. I'm sat trying to convince myself something good came out of 2009. and perhaps one day ill realise something good did. But as far as I'm concerned everything Ive ever really needed was already firmly in place. Just these few angels that keep me going. One standing out above the rest. I know its asking alot here but, i need to find my somebody, I miss the feeling of being complete, to be familiarized by somebody, just without the word liar in it, i want that somebody i can put my absolute everything into just so i can see that one smile that makes me feel worth something. i wanna make a difference in somebody's life. just need somebody to take a liking to that idea ahah
i really couldn't care that i don't make much sense, screw you 2009
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